Good Grief

Well, I wasn't going to post anything about this, but I think I could use the therapeutic release, so here goes...

I suffered a miscarriage two weeks ago on February 4th, 2010. Luke and I are doing well considering. I think I went through the brunt of the grief and shock before the pregnancy passed (unless there's a bunch more hibernating for later, which I'm sure is possible). I was "fortunate" to know there was a problem well before I actually miscarried. I am completely on the fence about whether or not I preferred the 3+ WEEKS warning that started as: "there could be a problem, but maybe the dates are just off" (I was confident in my dates and started the acceptance process then), to: "things look concerning", to finally: "it's over - you're going to miscarry in a matter of days or weeks..." Needless to say, January was a challenging month for our family.

There are several things that I must highlight that truly show God's mercy through this experience:

1. I did not pass the pregnancy during my two out of town trips - one for business, one for pleasure - that's a huge answer to prayer. I was very emotional and felt that to pass the pregnancy when I needed to be focused on other things would have been all the more unraveling.
2. After the official diagnosis of miscarriage it was only about 24 hours before the miscarriage process kicked in to gear - another answer to prayer. I didn't want a D&C, but I did NOT want to have to wait another 3 weeks to miscarry naturally (anything more than a week sounded just gut wrenching).
3. The process was surprisingly similar to labor with Rush, which I found validating. I had a REAL pregnancy with a REAL baby even though it was cut short.
4. I have many friends announcing pregnancies right now, and not only am I staying in one piece through it, I'm able to rejoice with them.

Something I haven't told anyone, even Luke, is that I named the baby. I felt during the midst of confusion regarding the status of the pregnancy, I needed a name other than "the baby" when I prayed. So I would refer to the baby as Blythe. I actually thought and continue to think the baby was a boy, but Blythe is totally appropriate for either a boy or girl, right? :-) Anyway, Blythe seemed right because I recalled that it means cheerful or joyous. The overriding emotion Luke and I experienced when we each learned I was pregnant was pure and simple happiness. The road to having Rush was so turbulent, giving us each some kind of stunned relief when we got pregnant the first time. This time was definitely different and it was nice. I am so grateful for the Blythe pregnancy. We are not owed another child, but God is gracious in every way and it has been made very evident, even in loss. So our joy continues because when trouble comes, God remains good, great and full of grace.